A young woman was telling the police about an accident. “No, I was not speeding”, she said. “O, then what gear were you in?” said the policeman. “Actually it was an apricot two-piece, and a picture hat, with matching medium high heels ….”.

“How did this accident happen sir?” said the same policeman to another driver.
“My wife fell asleep in the back seat”

There was another accident when an upholstery salesman was thrown into the samples in the back of his van. He is now fully recovered.

A small man who was a lorry driver, went into a pub and five hells angels picked on him and threw him out. “He was no fighter” said one – “He’s an even worse driver” said the landlord: “He came in to tell me he’d just driven his truck over five large motor bikes”.

In case you’re wondering, Polish mathematicians tell us there are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can’t …..

Today’s reading is from the book of Hezekiah, and we suggest you look it up and read it. Hezekiah Chapter 3, or, if you prefer, there’s a similar reading in Isaiah Chapter 68, the first 15 verses.

You heard about that open air preacher who walked down the road inside a sandwich board? Everyone knew he was a religious maniac, especially as on the front board it said (quoting Paul the Apostle) “We are fools for Christ”.
The back board read: “Whose fool are you?”

Well, after all, it is April Fool’s day today, isn’t it?

Oh yes, this is from Proverbs Ch. 26:

A whip for a horse, a halter for the donkey, and a rod for the backs of fools!

And from Proverbs 26: 3-4Proverbs 26: 3-4
English: King James Version (1611) - KJV
3 A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back. ⁴ Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.  

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Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.

And, if you’re American, “Have a nice day”.

Now, if you are up to it, read Proverbs 23: 29-34Proverbs 23: 29-34
English: King James Version (1611) - KJV
29 Who hath woe? who hath sorrow? who hath contentions? who hath babbling? who hath wounds without cause? who hath redness of eyes? ³⁰ They that tarry long at the wine; they that go to seek mixed wine. ³¹ Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth his colour in the cup, when it moveth itself aright. ³² At the last it biteth like a serpent, and stingeth like an adder. an...: or, a cockatrice ³³ Thine eyes shall behold strange women, and thine heart shall utter perverse things. ³⁴ Yea, thou shalt be as he that lieth down in the midst of the sea, or as he that lieth upon the top of a mast. the midst...: Heb. the heart of the sea  

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